


Everywhere

by toyhto



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 01:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6065185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhto/pseuds/toyhto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story in which Remus reads a lot of books and Sirius is <i>always there</i>. Weird, isn't it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everywhere

It’s the autumn of the fifth grade, and suddenly Sirius Black is _everywhere._  
  
Remus doesn’t know how he manages to do it, but he _does._ When Remus wants to sit in the dorm, reading his book in quiet, Sirius is there. When Remus wants to get his homework done finally, Sirius is there. When Remus wonders if now is the right time to find out what it’s like to kiss a girl (because he’s already holding hands with Janet Hawkins and she actually looks like she might kiss him back), Sirius is there.  
  
Sometimes Sirius doesn’t even spoil anything. Sometimes he’s just minding his own business. Sometimes he keeps watching Remus but doesn’t say anything, which makes him feel creepy but also, occasionally, oddly nice. And, of course, sometimes he talks so fast that the words don’t make sense and it’s impossible find out whether he has anything to say _at all_ , and still he keeps talking, and Remus wants to hit him but doesn’t dare to go near enough to do that.  
  
But it’s all right. He doesn’t mind that much. He’s quite sure that kissing Janet wouldn’t have been that great anyway. Of course, it might have been nice to get a change to figure that out or, say, get a chance to actually kiss a living breathing girl without Sirius rushing in between and pushing him away, declaring that there was an emergency with a mischief. But it’s fine, really. It’s not like Sirius means it.  
  
‘Excuse me?’ Sirius once said with a deep frown, when he tried to confront him about it. ‘Moony, you _can’t_ be _serious._ That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard, like, _ever._ I don’t _follow_ you. And I _definitely_ don’t ruin your chances of snogging, and by the way you don’t fancy her.’  
  
‘Yes,’ Remus muttered, already wishing he could just back off and forget about it, ‘I guess I don’t, but I’m fifteen, Pads, I really should kiss someone for the sake of it, all three of you are kissing girls and doing stuff and I should at least _try_ , maybe I’d learn to like – ‘  
  
‘Stop it,’ Sirius said then with a surprisingly tight voice. ‘It doesn’t work like that. And don’t worry about it, really. Just don’t.’  
  
And somehow he doesn’t. It’s fine. It’s fine that Peter has a girlfriend now and James has an enormous, earth-breaking crush on Lily Evans. It’s fine, because that Friday Sirius doesn’t want to go to Hogsmeade with Amy Barkins and instead keeps on sitting on his own bed, quietly staring at Remus when he reads his book.  
  
**  
  
One day he notices that Sirius is touching him.  
  
It’s nothing, of course. It’s only that he’s never really been touched, not since he was really little and Mom kept rubbing his hair and patting his shoulders, but then he got new scars with every full moon, and with the scars he became sore and patting sometimes hurt and he winced and even if he didn’t, he felt somehow ashamed that there was once again one more red mark on his skin. Eventually Mom stopped touching him. It took him years to notice that she did, but yes, she did.  
  
Not that he’s sad about it, not really. He feels better when there’s this slight distance between him and other people. It just makes it even more difficult to handle when Sirius rushes right in, not respecting his personal space _at all_ , and apparently just _decides_ it’s completely fine to casually touch Remus Lupin whenever he gets the chance.  
  
At first Remus keeps flinching. He waits for James or Peter to notice, to say something, but they don’t. They act almost like Sirius has always done that, sat down onto Remus’ bed next to him and just patted him on the thigh, asking what the hell he is reading and why can’t he just go and get himself into trouble like a sane person. Remus swallows and flushes and quietly swears and Peter and James just ignore it altogether, and Sirius tries to read his book over his shoulder for about two seconds before he gets bored.  
  
Eventually Remus begins to wonder. Perhaps Sirius _has_ always done that. Perhaps he _has_ put his arm around Remus’ shoulder as the four of them walk past Quidditch field and Sirius wants to genuinely recommend flying, because _what the hell_ , it might kill you but it’s definitely worth it. But no. He would have noticed. He doesn’t enjoy being touched, after all, although quite soon he has to admit he has become used to Sirius doing it.  
  
Once or twice Remus thinks about asking, but he doesn’t. There’re no good words for asking why your friend keeps casually touching you, and so he decides to let it go. But he can’t forget about it.  
  
**  
  
In the end it’s really simple. Just a slight touch from Sirius Black, in a slightly wrong place, and Remus knows he likes boys.  
  
He doesn’t know why it took so long. It’s the spring of the fifth grade and Sirius has been touching him _for months,_ but only like in places that don’t really matter, like his shoulder, or his back, or even his thigh but _not like that._ And then one day Peter and James are somewhere else doing _God knows what_ , and Remus is reading a book on his bed like he always does when he’s not doing homework or trying to make sure that the others won’t accidentally kill anyone. Sirius swoops right in and jumps onto Remus’ bed, which itself isn’t really that unusual these days. It’s only that usually Sirius puts his hand on Remus’ arm or shoulder, but this time he touches his _neck.  
  
_ It’s not like it’s a big thing or anything. Sirius doesn’t probably realise what he’s doing, his fingers just happen to touch lightly the back of Remus’ neck.  
  
He freezes.  
  
Sirius doesn’t seem to notice, he only hums with friendly disapproval of people who read _all the time,_ those poor fuckers.  
  
Remus swallows. Shit. _Shit._  
  
The thought has occurred his mind for a few times. He is, after all, a sixteen-year-old boy who has never actually wanted to kiss a girl. He has had _doubts._ But it’s not like he has ever had a crush on a boy. In fact he has never really fancied anyone.  
  
Until now.  
  
Sirius presses his fingers against his neck, drawing small circles, and Remus really wants to tell him to fuck off, _right now_ , because _Merlin that feels good._ Sirius’ touch goes straight through him, all the way into his toes. He’s tingling. He’s going to lose his mind.  
  
But he can’t say anything. He didn’t say anything when Sirius pressed his thumb on his wrist, or his palm onto his thigh. He can’t start complaining now. Sirius would ask _why, oh Moony, what’s wrong_ , and he can’t answer that. Won’t. _Can’t._  
  
Fifteen seconds. That’s pretty much how long he can take it.  
  
Then he jumps up, ready to ignore all the questions Sirius has about his odd behaviour, but Sirius doesn’t say anything. Remus stands there beside his own bed that’s holding Sirius Black, Sirius Black who just _touched his neck with his fingers,_ and then he collects himself and swallows and walks into the bathroom with as much dignity as he can possibly collect right now, and locks the door with the best charm he knows.  
  
He sits down on the cold tile floor and closes his eyes.  
  
‘Moony?’  
  
_Please go away,_ he mouths silently.  
  
‘Remus? What… what did you…’  
  
‘I think I have a headache,’ he says, frowning when he realises how stupid that sounds. ‘I don’t feel well, I mean. I just... I just need...’  
  
‘Let me in,’ Sirius says in reply. His voice is persistent. He has walked to the door and is now probably leaning against it. There’s only thirty centimetres or so in between them, and also, luckily, a heavy wooden door with a carefully planted locking charm.  
  
‘No,’ Remus says, sighing deeply. ‘Pads, please, I just… go away.’  
  
‘Not gonna to do that.’  
  
‘James and Peter might be planning a new prank.’  
  
There’s a short pause. ‘No. You aren’t going to drive me away. I’m going to sit here until you come out, and you will, there are chocolate cakes on the supper and you know you can’t resist them.’  
  
Shit. ‘Can too.’  
  
‘Moony. Just listen to me. I… I’m sorry, okay?’  
  
Remus swallows. Shit, this isn’t going to end well. ‘It’s not your fault, Sirius. I really have a headache. I got it from… er, from reading.’  
  
‘Don’t mess with me,’ Sirius said with a surprisingly quiet tone. Remus closes his eyes and wishes so much for something to happen, anything that would turn Sirius’ attention elsewhere – which in fact means pretty much _anything_ , because Sirius is crap at concentrating on anything.  
  
‘I’m not messing with you.’  
  
There’s a long pause. ‘Remus, please. I’ll turn into Padfoot. And then you can unlock this door and come here and pat me and I won’t say a thing and it will all be fine. Okay?’  
  
‘No, Sirius, I don’t – ‘  
  
Sirius answers with a bark.  
  
Remus inhales deeply and waits for twenty seconds or so. Nothing happens, so finally he gives in and opens the door. There’s a big black dog that’s watching him carefully, his head tilted a bit, eyes big and confusingly sad. Remus smiles at the dog and he walks into his lap and places his head on his shoulder.  
  
This isn’t probably a terribly good idea. _Fuck it_ , though. He presses his face into Padfoot’s fur and feels immediately better when the dog licks the back of his hand gently.  
  
**  
  
Sirius hasn’t got a clue.  
  
Remus keeps waiting for him to realise that there’s something wrong, that one of his best friends is constantly eyeing him in the shower. Because he definitely _is._ He’s ashamed of it, of course. It’s not that big a deal that Sirius Black is a boy and Remus Lupin is staring at his bare arse whenever he gets a chance. It’s not about Sirius being a boy, it’s about Sirius being _Sirius._ They are best friends. Remus can easily admit to himself that Sirius is his closest friend. James and Peter, well, he _loves_ them in a way, but… it’s not like it’s with Sirius. Sirius is somehow special. Their friendship is special.  
  
And he’s going to ruin it, because suddenly he has a crush on Sirius, a crush big enough to compete with James’ utterly idiotic devotion to Lily Evans.  
  
Sirius has to realise that there’s something going on. Remus isn’t that good an actor, or perhaps he is, managing to get away with disappearing every full moon, but Sirius _knows_ him. Sirius must see that he’s being weird.  
  
Surprisingly, Sirius doesn’t.  
  
The summer has come, Sirius has bought a flat on Diagon Alley, a small place that’s really quite terrible but also the best place in the whole world. Remus’ mother is a bit confused about him wanting to spend all his time in his friend’s flat in the middle of London, _in summer of all seasons, the flat must be terribly hot_. Well, it is. It’s almost unbearable sometimes. There’s a heat wave, too, and Sirius keeps his windows open all the time. Remus sleeps on the couch and keeps waiting for Sirius to bring the _issue_ up, to say, like, _I realise we should probably have a talk about you staring at my buttocks,_ but he doesn’t.  
  
In June, Remus is constantly jumpy, because he thinks Sirius might have noticed, might say something, might accuse him of ruining their friendship, might get weird and say that maybe it’s for the best if Remus goes home for a while.  
  
In July, Remus thinks he has finally shown his cards. He sleeps late that morning and is barely conscious when he rumbles into bathroom. He should back away when he realises that Sirius is already there, in the shower, both of his hands rubbing his black hair that’s currently soaking wet. He definitely should but he doesn’t. He can only stand there, looking, and slowly Sirius turns to face him. There’s this look on his face, his mouth is slightly opened, his eyes keep staring at Remus, and Remus inhales fast and out comes a sound that resembles a duck in trouble. In another situation it might be quite funny.  
  
He has his boxers on, thank God, but Sirius must see it anyway.  
  
He turns away and rushes through the door so quickly that he hits himself on the nose. Shit. _Shit._ Then he sits on the couch for five minutes, completely embarrassed, terrified of what’s going to come next, and ready to pack his things and go.  
  
Finally, Sirius comes out of the bathroom, whistling an old English tune and suggesting eggs, _would you mind cooking them, Moony? I have to fix my hair._  
  
In August, Remus has come to know that Sirius Black is an utter idiot. He has seen Remus for three times, at least, with a hard-on, staring at his naked body and practically licking his lips. And Sirius still doesn’t get it.  
  
Oddly enough, Remus feels a bit disappointed. Perhaps he has a bit more of a self-destructive personality than he thought.  
  
**  
  
’So,’ James says.  
  
_So,_ Remus thinks, _this is it, then. Oh, shit.  
  
_ ’So?’ Sirius asks, oblivious.  
  
’So?’ Peter ask, suspicious.  
  
’It’s Moony’s turn,’ James says, ‘to tell us whom he fancies.’  
  
Remus feels his heart skip a beat. Sirius frowns. Peter looks awfully uncomfortable, which is weird, because why does he care? It’s not him whose embarrassing, mortifying crush is about to be revealed.  
  
’Prongs,’ Peter says in a careful tone that makes Remus throw a sharp glance at him.  
  
’But, _really,_ ’ James says, a hint of firewhiskey in his voice, ‘we all know I _love_ Lily Evans, and Wormtail has an obsession with Laura Smith’s tits and Pads never really stopped thinking about Karen Williams after snogging her last autumn. But we know _nothing_ about Moony. And we _should._ It’s about.. about… being friends and Marauders and all that shit.’  
  
’Really, I don’t think – ‘ Peter starts, but James cuts his off.  
  
’Moony, _please,_ ’ he says, leaning forward, which is, quite frankly, frightening. He wants to back off, like, _right now_ , they can all just mind their own business. He can’t move, though, and James only keeps going, ‘just tell us, you have to have someone, even if it isn’t love, someone you like to stare at in the classes, or someone you’d like to snog, maybe we can arrange it…’  
  
’Prongs,’ Sirius says, but his eyes are fixed on Remus. Remus knows it without looking. _Shit._ He is probably blushed already.  
  
’Oh, really?’ James says and, finally, turns to look at someone else for a change. Remus inhales deeply. James frowns at Sirius, thoughtful, confused, ‘don’t you want to know whom Moony here fancies?’  
  
’Well,’ Sirius said, very slowly, ‘no. Not really. I think… I think it might be his own business.’  
  
James is staring at him, his eyes big and surprised. ‘His own business?’  
  
’Pads, I think I have an idea how you could get to have a conversation with Evans,’ Peter says in a firm tone.  
  
It’s like there’s a switch put on in James’ head. He forgets about Remus in a second. Remus thinks he’s going to melt down, _now_ , he’s just an embarrassing mess of limps and bones and sweat. His heart is beating far too fast.  
  
Peter mumbles something about Lily and James and pranks and how the rest of them would plan something and then James would betray them to Lily and Lily would love him forever for that, and it doesn’t make sense _at all_. It seems that Peter is just making it up as he speaks. It’s almost as if he _knows.  
  
_ And Sirius isn’t saying anything, he only keeps staring at Remus with a weird look on his face. Remus wants to hide his face with his hands but his arms are stone, he can’t move them, and he can’t say anything or look anyone in the eyes, especially not Sirius.  
  
James doesn’t mention it again that night. They don’t even talk about girls. Sirius drinks a bit too much of James’ firewhiskey and they have a _marvelous_ idea that has something to do with poisoning apple pies so that all of the house Slytherin turn blue. Remus is deeply worried about all four of them getting a detention as long as their life, but in the same time he’s just really happy that they are talking about _anything else_ than him.  
  
It’s only that Peter keeps looking at him from time to time, looking sympathetic and a little bit worried. Sirius, in the other hand, doesn’t look at him at all.  
  
It’s not good. It’s really not good. He tries firewhiskey, but it only makes him feel worse. _Shit._  
  
**  
  
When Remus wakes up next morning, he and Sirius are alone in the dorm. He closes his eyes firmly and goes still. Perhaps if he waits patiently and doesn’t make a sound, Sirius won’t talk to him.  
  
’Moony?’  
  
’I’m sleeping,’ he says.  
  
’But clearly you aren’t. _Moony._ Get your lazy ass off the bed and talk to me.’  
  
’Pads,’ Remus says, aiming for _sleepy_ and _completely uninterested_ but ending up with _nervous_ , ‘I have a bit of a hangover, really, whatever it is that you want to talk about can very well wait until I’ve slept a few hours more – ‘  
  
’It’s almost nine o’clock, breakfast is pretty much over,’ Sirius points out, ‘and you don’t have a hangover, you’re just a chicken. What was that all about?’  
  
’Excuse me?’  
  
’ _Please_ ,’ Sirius says with a frustrated sigh, ‘don’t be daft. Prongs asked whom you fancy and you got all weird.’  
  
’It’s none of your business,’ Remus mutters, trying to hide in his cushions.  
  
’Of course it isn’t. You could have just told us to fuck off.’  
  
’Yes, but…’ But there’s nothing he can say about it. Sirius is sitting only a few meters away from him, he can hear him _breathing,_ and his skin is getting all tingly and he is rather sure he’s blushing in this moment and he only wants to get away with it.  
  
’Moony?’ Sirius says after a long pause, and Remus can’t help himself. He closes his eyes and holds his breath. ‘Moony. I just… there’s something I really have to say.’  
  
’Then say it,’ Remus says. Now it’s going to happen. Now he’s going to have to admit that he’s fucking _in love_ with Sirius Black.  
  
Sirius swallows. ‘Moony, I… I don’t actually fancy Karen Williams. But don’t tell Prongs.’  
  
Oh. ‘ _Oh._ Okay.’  
  
’And wake up already and go to breakfast with me. Please?’  
  
Remus sighs. So, not today, then. ‘Yes. Just a second.’  
  
**  
  
He tries out kissing a girl. It goes awfully wrong.  
  
They are in Hogsmeade and there is this a year older Ravenclaw with her grey eyes and black, messy hair. She’s pretty in a way. James asks her if she were so kind and kissed their friend, because _he’s sixteen and never kissed a girl, really, can you imagine,_ and she smiles and grabs his collar and gently pushes their lips together.  
  
Remus shuts his eyes and swears that he’s going to kill James Potter, even though he kind of gave his blessing for this, because, well, he really didn’t want to explain why he’d rather not. But _hell_ , he’s going to kill James anyway. It’s going to make him feel better.  
  
When the girl backs away from him, he’s feeling quite breathless but not in a good way. Peter is staring at him. _Sirius_ is staring at him.  
  
He turns around and flees.  
  
**  
  
’And why would you do that, exactly?’  
  
’What?’ he barks.  
  
’That. That thing. Kissing that girl. You don’t like her, Moony.’  
  
Remus sighs. The air is cold, it’s almost December, he’s fucking _freezing_ out here. Maybe he should just go and walk away. Sirius would follow him, though, and they would just end up walking around and around in Hogsmeade for the whole night.  
  
’Of course I don’t like her,’ he says.  
  
Sirius has his hands deep in his pockets.  
  
’Because,’ he says with an emphasis.  
  
’Because I – ‘ Remus says, slowly, almost sloppily, is he drunk? No, he’s not supposed to be. He took a beer when it became apparent that he was going to end up kissing a girl, but otherwise he hasn’t touched alcohol whole evening. Maybe it’s only that it’s freezing and Sirius is staring at him and somehow he is really, really tired of him not having a clue. ‘Because I’m a poof.’  
  
Sirius swallows. ‘Yes. I know.’  
  
Remus closes his eyes. ‘Really?’  
  
’Yeah.’  
  
’You don’t mind, do you?’  
  
’No, of course not. Moony, I – ‘  
  
’It’s fine,’ Remus says, ‘I don’t wanna talk about it. Just get back inside. I’ll… I’ll be there in a minute.’  
  
He has still his eyes closed. He hears Sirius taking a step, he’s getting back inside now, he’s going to tell James and Peter what they were talking about, well, _fuck that_ , Peter seems to have figured something out anyway, and Remus really doesn’t have it in him to care right now, he’s just too tired, and maybe slightly tipsy, and it’s _cold,_ and what the hell is he going to do, he’s in love with his stupid friend who’s never going to -  
  
Kiss him.  
  
He _kisses_ him.  
  
Sirius Black is kissing him, like, right now. On his mouth. In the doorway of ‘The Three Broomsticks.’ _On his fucking mouth.  
  
_ ’Pads,’ he says, pushing him away, because _hell this is weird, this can’t be happening,_ ‘ – what the hell – ‘  


Sirius takes a firm grip on his arm. It kind of hurts. Remus gasps breath and tries to read Sirius’ face, and Sirius is frowning, eyeing him with an expression he can’t make sense of. Shit, he really, _really_ can’t handle things like this, he hasn’t got the brain for it, he hasn’t got any experience, he doesn’t know _at all_ what’s happening right now -  
  
’Moony, you complete utter _idiot_ ,’ Sirius says, short of breath, ‘I’m gonna kiss you. If you don’t want me to, you’re gonna have to punch me. But I… just… _please._ ’  
  
’Really?’ Remus breaths out, barely noticing that he’s holding Sirius’ wrists tightly enough to make him bruise. He tries to loosen a little, but it’s difficult. He can’t think. He can’t speak.  
  
’I’ve been _touching_ you for ages, you _moron,_ ’ Sirius snaps at him, ‘I was even caressing your _neck,_ with my _fingers,_ and you just.. you just choose to completely _ignore_ me, you git.’  
  
’But I didn’t – ‘  
  
’You _did,_ Moony,’ Sirius clings onto him like he’s desperate, ‘you keep staring at me in the shower with a fucking _hard-on_ and still you just don’t do _anything,_ ever, until you finally go and kiss a _random girl you don’t even like_ , I can’t _believe_ it, how could you – ‘  
  
’I didn’t know,’ Remus says. He wants to _punch_ Sirius, make him quiet, he can’t take all that shouting now, it’s too much, but _fuck_ how he aches to kiss Sirius, what was all that -  
  
Sirius tastes like coffee and beer and nuts.  
  
Remus closes his eyes.  
  
’I really, really hate you, Remus Lupin,’ Sirius is muttering against his lips, tongue touching him ever so lightly, teeth taking a soft nip on his lower lip, ‘you let me _woo_ you for _months,_ you bastard – ‘  
  
’I didn’t know you were...’ Remus says and stops there, placing his hands on Sirius’ neck, on his back, in his hair, anything he can reach, he can’t get enough of it. He’s probably going to lose his mind. 'That you were... I mean...'  
  
’But of course I was,’ Sirius breaths against his mouth, ‘and now, please, shut up, shut up and let me _finally_ – ‘  
  
’I’m terribly sorry I have to interrupt, but we really have to go back now.’  
  
Remus blinks.  
  
He feels Sirius tense under his touch.  
  
He can barely breath.  
  
Slowly, he opens his eyes. They are standing a few meters away from the doorway, pretty much leaning against the wall and each other. Sirius’ blushed face is just a few centimeters away from his. Sirius’ upper lip is a bit swollen, looks like someone has taken a bite on it.  
  
And, in the doorway, Peter is standing, his arms crossed over his chest, looking rather bored.  
  
’I’m sorry, guys,’ he says, ‘it’s only that James just proposed to Lily and got a bit of a head injury out of it and I’m pretty sure we need to get him to the hospital wing.’  
  
**  
  
Suddenly Sirius Black is _everywhere,_ rather like he’s been all this time, apparently.  
  
Remus can’t figure out what’s happening. Sirius is touching him, kissing him, climbing to the bed with him, closing his arms around him and keeping him tight against his chest. There’s nothing casual about it. Sirius keeps telling James and Peter to _fuck off_ and let them be, and then there are wondering hands, clumsy fingers under the waist of his pants, a hard bulge pushing against his _arse_ and making him short of breath, warm lips caressing his neck, words mumbled to his ear and, finally, a very good locking charm blocking the door for almost half an hour. Not that Peter and James wouldn’t be clever enough to stay away.  
  
Remus feels utterly happy. In fact, the morning after he feels so happy he’s afraid he’ll get a panic attack out of it. Because this can’t be happening. This can’t be true. Something’s going to go wrong. Sirius is going to get bored with him. He’s going to fuck everything up. James is going to explode the Gryffindor Tower. _Something_ bad is going to happen, surely, because Remus Lupin just can’t deal with that much warm, tingling happiness.  
  
’Moony, you stupid git,’ Sirius whispers, half-asleep, his right arm wrapped around him, ‘don’t panic. It’s alright.’  
  
Remus breaths in.  
  
There’s a wet, clumsy kiss placed upon his cheekbone.  
  
It’s alright.

**Author's Note:**

> So, here's the thing: I'm not a native speaker, and I find it difficult to find a beta, so... feel free to volunteer for the job ;)
> 
> Anyway, I _love_ Remus and Sirius. Together, preferably. I never seem to get enough of writing about them.
> 
> Please tell me if you like the story :) I'd be also happy to get feedback, grammatical errors included, especially when I repeat the same mistake time after time! ;)


End file.
